Wise Words From A Man Of God Go Forth And Shoplift
Didn’t you just love that sermon from Father Tim Jones this week, when he said it was okay for hard-up people to shoplift. Wise words indeed from a man of God. So If you are into a wee bit of shoplifting and you get caught, just tell the cops that the Vicar says its okay to do so and they will let you go with your ill-gotten goods.
Father Tim Jones the vicar at St Lawrence Church in York gave his viewpoint on shoplifting during a recent sermon, where he said –
“My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift. I do not offer such advice because I think that stealing is a good thing, or because I think it is harmless, for it is neither. I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses but from large, national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.”
“I would ask them not to take any more than they need, for any longer than they need.”
“I offer the advice with a heavy heart and wish society would recognise that bureaucratic ineptitude and systematic delay has created an invitation and incentive to crime for people struggling to cope.”
I personally feel that a lot of people who shoplift are just the pure scum of the earth. They don’t do it because they are needy, they do it to get stuff to sell to pay for their drug habit. Or the ones I frequently see in the local Sainsbury’s is the boozers stealing to feed their habit. Those fuckers need to be thrown in jail, where they belong.
I’m sure the Vicar wasn’t referring to such people. But those that perhaps need some decent food for the table or cant afford to buy presents for their kids. I haven’t got a problem with the needy stealing form huge business that make millions in profits by over charging us in the first place.
Lets face facts, greedy politicians have been stealing for years until they recently got rumbled over their extra expenses claims. Tony Blair got the UK involved in couple of never ending and illegal wars to help out his buddy George Bush. Which has cost us Billions of pounds and countless life’s. Gordon Brown has kept up his good work and with his buddies within the banking system, has helped to keep Britain firmly entrenched in a recession. And none of those criminal have went to jail where they belong.
If its good enough for the Vicar I’m going to help out the needy as well. If you are struggling in life and need some free food for the table try the Sainsbury’s in Kilburn. It seems like an easy place to steal from and the security guards haven’t got a clue and don’t care.
Let me explain things for you, I go in there a couple of times a week for a few bits and pieces that I cant get anywhere else. Every single time I walk in this dumb looking security guy keeps giving me the look, that says I’m watching you pal, I know your up to no good. It kinda amuses me, he even follows me around sometimes. Which I love because I will go up to him and ask for his help, “Mr Security guard can you tell me if you sell organic Lebanese Prunes” or something ridiculous like that.
He is barking up the wrong tree if he thinks I’m a shoplifter, the last time I stole anything was when I was 9 years old. It was a packet of Opel Fruits and my nerves where on edge for days afterwards. Maybe the security guard is gay and he just wants to be near me because I look so dam good.
Why I’m advising the needy to shop lift in Sainsbury’s is because they don’t mind, they really don’t. The security guards are all show. I was in there a couple of weeks ago and I watched the most conspicuous looking shoplifter ever. He was a down and out, carrying a big shovel in one hand and carrier bag in the other. You could smell this guy at 15 paces he stank so much. I watched him push past an old woman then growl at her.
Out of the corner of my eye I watched him put 6 cans of cider into his carrier bag. I thought I will show you karma you lowlife. So I wandered over to the security guard at the entrance who was sitting comfortable in his chair. I made him aware that someone was shoplifting. He jumps up off his chair like a speeding bullet, “where, where, what does he look like”. Just at that very second the shoplifter comes walking past on his way out. I points at the low life and says that’s him right there.
Did the big bad security guard go and stop the shoplifter did he hell, he sat down in his seat and pretended I never said anything. So if you are desperate for a little bit of Christmas cheer this year head down to the Sainsbury’s in Kilburn, everything is for free.
I’m of course not really advising anybody to go and do some shoplifting this Christmas or at any time for that matter. I’m just being humorous, HONEST. Just go and ask your local vicar and listen to what he tells you.
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