A blog about life in London

Watch Out For the Crazy London Cyclists

Watch Out For the Crazy London Cyclists

They say that cycling is good for the environment and that more of us should be doing it and that it will keep you fit into the bargain. Now in the real world that is maybe true, but it just don’t and can’t work the way it is meant to in London.

In the coolest city in the world, I feel that normal logic sometimes just doesn’t exist. There is so much pollution and also crazy drivers on the road in London that have gained there Mickey Mouse license in countries that quite frankly give them away if you can start your car. I personally feel that it just isn’t safe to cycle on the roads here. How can constantly breathing in mouthfuls of bus or lorry fumes be good for your health or getting seriously injured or killed by some crazy driver?

Now that is sympathy time over for all you brave souls, that are what I will call Crazy London Cyclists. I’m not going to tar you all with the same brush, just most of you and I’m not going to mince my words. You guys want it all and are not prepared to give anything in return and are a complete menace to society.

You guys are always cussing car drivers for everything, even when you are clearly at fault and if I could get a pound for every time I hear one of you fu**ers shouting and swearing at the top of your voice at a car driver in front of little children I would be rich. The other day I witnessed one of London’s finest crazy cyclists in action, would you believe this nut was cycling down a one way street the wrong way. A car appears and the cyclist stops in the middle of the road and he starts cussing the car driver like crazy, for what I’m not too sure.

The coming down a road the wrong way cyclist incident, however had a happy ending and I do love a happy ending! When the driver got out of his car and this guy looked like a gorilla, he was huge, and calmly asked Mr Cyclist, “what the fuck he was on, and if  he  never got out the fucking way,  he would wrap his bike around his fucking neck”. Now you should have seen the speed at which Mr Cyclist seen the error of his ways and was out of there like a shot and I hasten to add he was going in the right direction this time.


I witnessed the near knocking down of a old grannie just the other day, buy you guessed it a cyclist, as she crossed a zebra crossing. It was just by the grace of god that he missed her. Maybe a zebra crossing and how they work was too confusing for the Rasta cyclist, but the fact that all the cars had stopped should have been an indication to him that there was someone crossing.

Can someone please tell me why you get so many cyclists on the pavements in London cycling like they are on the fu**king road. Don’t you guys get it, pavements are for pedestrians and walking. The roads are for cycling on! I however cant blame you for not wanting to travel on them, but if you are too scared, get off and push the bike and head to the park!

My personal favourite is when cyclists speed through when the green man is showing at the traffic lights, one of these days I’m gonna take aim and give you some retribution, if you get too close! Don’t these guys know the rules of the road, maybe they need to learn the highway code!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have never came across so many ignorant, bad mannered, impatient and dumb people, who just  happen to be  cyclists,  in any city in the world in my life. However I think have the answer as to why they are like this! They have breathed in a wee bit too much of those black fumes that some of those lorries and busses blast out and it has messed up their brains!

I don’t know about you but it I feel it is about time that Boris came up with an action plan to protect the public from the scourge of cyclists in London. Like wise I feel a lot more needs to be done to protect cyclists on the roads, for far too many are getting killed by mistakes made by bad drivers.

I have a simple plan for Boris that will help deal with the dangers to pedestrians caused by cyclists.

London Cycle Action Plan

Make it an offense, which will be punishable by an on the spot £25 fine, (that is if you can catch them) if they do any of the following.

1. Cycle through red lights.
2. Cycle when the green man is showing at the traffic lights.
3. If they are over 16 and cycling on the pavement.
4. Cycling down a one way road the wrong way.
5. Shouting, swearing and cussing loudly at car drives, this is in fact a breach of the peace.

I’m sure the above would be to the mutual benefit of the good cyclists, as well as the long suffering at the wheels of the cyclists pedestrians. All I’m saying Mr, Mrs & Ms Cyclists of the world is to start showing some manners and remember that you don’t own the roads!


  1. I like the rant! I think there are a lot of cyclists like that in London but it would of course be an over-generalisation to call all of them “crazy”. The vast majority that you do not notice are simply getting from A to B like everyone else is. It is just as easy to have a rant about pedestrians that don’t look when they cross the road or buses that don’t check for cyclists.

  2. Your correct in your assumption that I could quite easily have a rant about pedestrians or for that matter drivers in London. But there just seems to be so many crazy cyclists in this city that it sometimes really annoys me. I’m either trying to avoid getting run over by them on the pavements or when I’m crossing the road at the pedestrian crossing when the green man is showing.

  3. Cyclists are pain in the ass and shouldn’t be allowed on the roads, until they learn the rules of the dam road! They need to be more accountalbe for there actions when using the roads, most of them are a danger to themselfs.

  4. Great post! Just wanted to let you know you have a new subscriber- me!

  5. 4 of your 5 offences are already against the law and some of them can result in imprisonment if personal injury is caused. The fifth offence may be the most preferable way to let off steam if a two ton vehicle has just come within an inch of ending your life. Perhaps you’d prefer a beating with a U-lock? Cyclists have worked hard to kill a total of 3 pedestrians in the last 40 years here in the UK. Drivers of HGVs have managed to kill that many cyclists in London in as many months (sorry, make that weeks) this year. I think you need to get things into proportion somewhat.
    Still waiting for your Youtube expose of lethal cyclists on the streets of London…

  6. I don’t want to see any cyclists killed or injured and I realise in some cases it is 100% the fault of a useless car driver. However there are a lot of cyclists that do not have any road awareness and they have this crazy mentality that they think they are the king of the road.

    When I get round to doing my Youtube expose, it will show a lot of cyclists running red lights, and narrowly avoiding pedestrians crossing the road when the green man is flashing, as well as cycling on pavements.

  7. I just got mowed down by a cyclist while crossing at a zebra crossing in London last week. I suffered injuries to my head and ribs. I was amazed that the police never came and that the ambulance that took me to the emergency room just gave the cyclist some first aid and let him go. Nobody seemed to care. I am not from England, so I don’t know how the system works – in my country the cyclist would be taken before a court because hitting pedestrians – unless it was unavoidable – is a crime.

  8. Absolutely right. Some are fine, but most cyclists in London are complete wankers. They need to be licenced, taxed, insured and trained, just like car-drivers.

    They complain about cars, but the truth is that if car drivers drove the way most cyclists ride there would be hundreds of people killed every day in London.

  9. What surprises me is that there aren’t more cyclists killed on the road of London because too many of them haven’t got a clue. They are mostly dumb and arrogant which isn’t a good combination!