The evil, Evil, EVIL London Eye

Happy smiling faces everywhere is something that you sure as hell don’t see very often on the tubes in London. The faces you usually see are more likely to be expressionless or hassled looking. Or sometimes even angry or crazy looking. CRAZY, yes too many crazy looking faces…

Early yesterday afternoon I was out and about on a secret mission, which I’m not at liberty to discuss or we all could be in big trouble…I got on the tube at Kilburn Park, which is my nearest tube station and one of my favourite stations in all of London, if you can have such a thing as a favourite tube station.

As sometimes happens at Kilburn Park if you strike it lucky, the carriageway was empty. Fucking perfect…So many seats to choose from, so I chose the one with the best view. That is my sense of humour kicking in, before anybody takes me seriously…! I sat close to the nearest door because by the time the train reached my destination, the thing would packed and the less happy people I had to push past to get off would be a good thing for me…Sardines everywhere…

The next stop was Maida Vale. An old Hungarian looking gypsy type woman got on and of all the places to sit on the empty carriageway she had to sit directly opposite me. As soon as she sat down I felt a cold shiver running down my spine. I felt SPOOKED. It was like I was in the presence of evil.

Like most people do on the London Underground, I was trying my best to avoid eye contact with this strange looking eerie Gypsy woman. But it was inevitable, she was after all sitting directly in front of me. Then it happened, I looked into her dark and forbidding eyes. And believe me, I wish I hadn’t, these were not normal looking eyeballs. NO WAY. They looked evil, Evil, EVIL…

The three seconds that I stared into her eyes, which were by the way staring straight into mine, I felt I was truly in the presence of evil. It was like I was in some second rate horror movie. She was honestly trying to get inside my head. As I looked away I could see out of the corner of my eye that she was still staring at me.

By the time the train reached Oxford Circus it was packed and my view of evil eyes had become obscured by the masses of people that had now filled the train. I only had 2 more stops to go and I would be free from the presence of evil gypsy woman.

Then it happened again. I couldn’t help myself I had to have one last into her eyes. It was like she was making me look into her evil, evil, evil eyes…Again she was staring right at me. She was trying to steal my soul, but I fought back and somehow managed to pry my eyes away from hers.

I decided to get off the train at the next stop. She was messing with my karma. If it had been a guy I could have given him a few slaps and put an end to it…

As the train took off from the platform I couldn’t help but notice she had turned around to stare at me again and as the train sped into the darkness of the tunnel I could still feel those evil beady eyes staring into mine.

I just wish I had kept that evil eye bracelet that I bought in Turkey all those years ago, which I was told would protect me in situations like this. How was I to know that the evil eye is more that just an old wife’s tale which was made up to get gullible tourists to buy cheap trinkets.

So what is the evil eye? Well it is seemingly, a look or stare believed to cause injury or misfortune to others by magic of supernatural means. This old gypsy woman truly was trying to give me the evil eye. Why, but why me. It isn’t my fault that she was so ugly and evil looking. It isn’t my fault that she smelled so bad and is allergic to soap and water…

Right I’m out of here, I have to go and buy some protection against the evil eye. I’m off to Camden Market a place where you can always find lots of crap to buy, I meant to say trinkets…

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