The Condemned Mans Last Meal | I’m Innocent America

I had a dream last night, in fact it was more of a nightmare. I was sitting in a prison cell in Texas in America, being asked what I would like for my last meal. I woke up at this point, just as I was about to give the big Texan prison officer my order.

The crazy thing about last nights unwanted dream was that it felt more real than when I was within a couple of seconds of drowning in the Atlantic Ocean in Barbados earlier this year. Even though my experience of fighting death lasted a considerable length of time, it still never felt real. In reality the incident couldn’t have been more real. Last nights dream felt like I was actually there.

What really pissed me off about last nights dream, wasn’t the fact that I had been wrongly convicted of murder, it wasn’t the fact that the FBI had framed me, it wasn’t the fact my prison uniform was itchy and that the big ugly prison guard was a psychopath, it was that I never got the chance to give my order for my last meal.

So this morning I have been thinking long and hard about what I would choose as my last meal. It hasn’t been an easy task, but I have come up with a 7 course meal, which would hit the right spot for me.

I would want the meal to be cooked by Gordon Ramsay, but I don’t want to hear or see him making it because that would spoil it. Just keep him in the kitchen where the fucker belongs. I would also like Halle Berry to serve me with that outfit she wore in Catwoman. I don’t think it could get any better than that. My African Princess girlfriend would of course be joining me, it wouldn’t be fair to her to leave her out of things.

The Condemned Mans Last Meal – William Wallace | London Is Cool

1. Canapés :I would start off with a selection of Canapés, these wee things would get proceedings off to a good start.

• Oatcakes with Haggis and Red Onion Marmalade
• Smoked Salmon and Crème Fraiche Blinis
• Thai Marinated King Prawns
•  Devils on Horseback
•  Chicken Liver Pate Croutes

2. Appetizer: One of my all time favourite whether it is a wee starter or main course, it is equally good.

• Haggis, neeps and tatties, with some beetroot and oatcakes.

3. Soup: A soup, which I haven’t had the pleasure of sampling for such a long time. I think I need a wee trip back home to the North East of Scotland. Because this soup tastes amazing on a cold Scottish winters night.

•  Cullen Skink – a thick Scottish soup that tastes heavenly.

4. Caribbean salad with Bajan Fishcakes: As I write this I have just remembered how much I love Bajan fishcakes, they are the business.

• Caribbean salad with Bajan Fishcakes, served with some Bajan Tarter sauce. I may have to head back to Barbados sooner rather than later.

5. Main Course: There is nothing like a good bit of Aberdeen Angus fillet steak, is there anything better than that.

• Aberdeen Angus Fillet Steak with a mushroom and whisky sauce, served with some mash tatties.

6. Desert: One of my all time favourite deserts, it seems like such a long time since I have had it. I would probably need two servings.

•  Cranachan – for those that don’t know it is a traditional Scottish desert, which tastes out of this world. Amazing stuff.

7. A selection of cheeses: I would leave this one to chance and let the Texan jailers choose for me, on second thoughts, maybe not!

• Scottish oatcakes with a selection of 5 cheeses, Mature Scottish Cheddar, Camembert, French Blue Cheese, Bavarian Smoked Cheese and a Dutch Gouda Cheese.

I would also obviously like something to drink and 6 bottles of  Lanson Black Label NV would go down a treat. As well as a bottle of Dalwhinnie 15 Year Old Single Malt Scottish whisky. I suppose I better have a dozen bottles of ice cold Heineken lager, well why not. And because I’m a nice guy I would get some of that terrible lager, which tastes as strong as water called Budweiser for my jailers.

Thankfully I’m not sitting on death row waiting to be executed for a crime I didn’t commit and I doubt if the prison chef could fulfil my request for my last meal anyway. I think he might just be a wee bit confused by it all.

Remember during my dream I was an innocent man sitting on death row ordering my last supper, which is a truly scary thought. I wonder how many innocent people are currently facing such a choice for real or have already had there last meals. Sometimes it’s a crazy fucking world.

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