Not So Perfect London Girl Looking For Mr Perfect

I had only been living in London for around 3 weeks when I went on a date with a girl that I will refer to as Ms X. I was down at the Royal Mail delivery office, in White City – I was living in Shepherds Bush in those days. That was where I met Ms X, she was arguing with the postal workers and refusing to pay the surcharge to get her letter. I think it was £1.30 or something because the sender had underpaid the postage by a few pence.

Ms X, ended up grabbing the letter and going outside with it and daring those bad Royal Mail employees to call the police and have her arrested. They of course never, as mindless as some of those postal workers are, they knew it was pointless calling the cops, they can hardly be bothered to deal with real crime, let alone something like this!

We walked down the road together and she asked for one of my business cards and said she would give me a call. I should have known better because she seemed a bit crazy for my liking. But hell I was single and who knows she was maybe not totally crazy. Ms X wasn’t a bad looking woman, she was 33, even though she was a bit on the skinny side for my liking.

Later on that week we met up in Bush for a few drinks. A few minutes in Ms X company and it was clear she wasn’t quite right in her head. She had been single for around 3 years and had been on over 300 dates with different guys…yes 300 dates. I think she was addicted to internet dating. Somehow she could never meet the perfect guy.

Her last partner whom she had went out with for  two years had broken her heart. Ms X had somehow got into his email account and the guy was still meeting other girls from various internet dating sites…there’s a surprise! She was wary of all men – we were all liars and cheaters until she decided we weren’t. If the truth be told, after around 15 minutes in her company I knew I would hopefully never see her again. She was a bore and quite clearly not quite the full shilling!

As I’m sitting there talking to her, I’m trying to rack my brains for an excuse to get out of there. I knew I had a fake call button on my mobile, but it would have been impossible to activate it covertly. I thought right, one drink and I’m out of there. Unfortunately she went and bought a second drink, so me being a nice guy braved her company for little bit longer.

Ms X was looking for Mr Perfect. He had to have a good job earning at least £50,000 a year, she had a naff job that never paid much, he had to be a gym goer and in good shape, she was going to start going to the gym and she was a bit on the skinny side if you ask me, he had to have a car, she was going to start learning to drive soon…I cant quite remember all the other criteria Mr Perfect had to meet, I kinda switched off and stopped listening to her. Ms X was looking for Mr Perfect and she was far from perfect.

She sent me a text about a week after our date asking why I hadn’t called her. I said I had been busy and that she wasn’t really my type. I never seen or heard from her again until yesterday afternoon, when I bumped into the one and only Ms X wandering around in Paddington. Nothing had changed, Ms Perfect London Girl was still looking for Mr Perfect. She was away to meet a guy for another date. I tried not to laugh and said you will maybe find someone as perfect as yourself one of these days. She gave me a funny look and said it had been nice bumping into me and walked off…

I think perhaps Ms X is writing a book and hoping to gain a bit of notoriety. Who the fuck in the real world goes on hundreds of dates and doesn’t find somebody to start a relationship with. If my date with her is anything to ge by, the book will be one awfully big bore. She should have maybe went for 300 one night stands as opposed to 300 dates, that would probably be a big seller…

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