A blog about life in London

Massage With A Happy Ending … WTF!

Massage With A Happy Ending … WTF!

When I woke up on Sunday morning the effects of working out for 6 consecutive days could be felt all over my body. I had so many aching muscles that I lost count – both my calf’s, back, shoulder, and neck to name but a few … the Wandering Scotsman was a living wreck.

Then in a flash, just like being struck by a  lightening bolt I had a brainwave, I thought why don’t I go for a deep tissue massage. Yes indeed, that would do the trick … that would revive my body, mind and soul…

Mr Z a guy I know from down the pub had recommended a place in Swiss Cottage, which seemingly did a fantastic massage. It was a nice afternoon in Kilburn, the one in London, not Ireland! So I took a wee stroll up to Swiss Cottage in search of a therapeutic massage centre … I could have said massage parlour but that sounds too seedy!

Without too much of a problem I found a beauty shop which had a sign in the window offering amongst other things a Deep Tissue Massage … perfect! Or so I thought.

The conversation went something like this:

 ‘Hello,’ I said to the Chinese girl standing at the counter.

Chinese girl looks at me like I’m insane! And instantly ‘says are you here for a massage?’ I thought she must a be a fucking mind reader or something!

‘Yes,’ I said ‘I’m interested in having a deep tissue massage.’

Chinese girl replies ‘we have special offer today for £50.’ Sounded good to me, ‘four had hand massage,’ I thought at this stage WTF! ‘One girl will give you Chinese massage and the other will give you Swedish massage at the same time’. WTF!

‘I asked what about the deep tissue massage.’ At this stage I was starting to have doubts that I was in the right place!

The girl again said ‘special offer, 4 hand massage for £50 and an extra £20 for a happy ending.’ WTF! I guess those were the only English words she could speak!

I played dumb, ‘what do you mean a happy ending?’

‘Handjob,’ girl said.

I said ‘you mean a four handed hand job!’ Little Chinese girl again looked at me like I’m insane! Out of curiosity I asked ‘ Is one of the girls Chinese and the other one Swedish.’

‘No both are Chinese,’ said the girl. ‘Do you want an appointment’.

Like a hack from some daily trash tabloid newspaper I made my excuses and left…

All I wanted was a simple deep tissue massage to revive my aching body! But instead I got offered a four handed, combination Chinese and Swedish Massage with a happy ending. Most definitely not the kind of special offer that I was looking for … it’s a crazy world sometimes…


  1. So, do share the name of the place then?

  2. Tony, I wouldn’t like to be resonsible for any guys out there going there and wasting their money…it wouldn’t be right!

  3. Tony, whats the name of the place? I need a proper sports massage and don’t want to end up at this place, thanks

  4. Dave, the name has slipped my mind. Try the Thai Unisex place in Swiss Cottage or the place next door, both legit…

  5. Massage therapy is prefect for this weekend.Often they do relax and get out their tension. Releases everything in their mind and the ambiance is very refreshing and lean.