In Search Of A Fraudster Known As Santa Claus & The Legendary Jonathon Ross
Yesterday was the 1st of December, which could only mean one thing! Which was? Well it was of course the first ever switching on of Christmas lights along Paddington’s, Praed Street in London. I couldn’t miss such a major event in the city of cool, London.
I had been looking forward to this wonderful occasion for ages, okay that’s not quite true, I only found out about it 2 hours prior to it happening. But never the less it would be fun, hopefully.
I wouldn’t normally have bothered with such an event, its not really my sort of thing, but my African Princess wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I couldn’t really tell her, because I have never been to a switching on of Christmas lights in my life. I find switching on my own lights on my Christmas tree enough fun for me. Especially when I get to put my Santa outfit on and get naughty afterwards!
I must admit I was kinda excited by it all and once I found out that good old Santa Claus and his reindeer were going to be there I was buzzing with anticipation. And someone called Jonathon Ross, yes the living legend was going to be turning on the Paddington Christmas lights.
We got there nice an early and after some searching we eventually found a couple of Santa’s reindeers, but there was no sleigh, no elves and worst of all there was no Santa Claus in sight. I tried to ask Rudolph if he knew where his boss was, but he just gave me a funny look.
Then suddenly the air was filled with the sweet melodies of Xmas carols blasting out into the cold December air and I forget all about Santa for a while. Those youngsters sure could sing beautifully.
I gave the overpriced Mulled wine, marshmallows and bottled lager a miss. I could have nipped to the nearby shop and got 3 or 4 times as much for the same price. Wouldn’t it have been nice, if instead of paying Jonathon Ross whatever ridiculous amount of money he got for switching on a few light bulbs plastered to some lampposts, that they dished out some free drinks and food as a gesture of goodwill.
My girl wanted to see Jonathon Ross, so we followed the crowds, I’m joking, there was about 12 people and 10 cops waiting for Jonathon Ross to arrive. I might of guessed that Santa Claus was there waiting to do a bit of celebrity spotting.
I asked Santa if he had received my Christmas letter, and I told him not to make any mistakes this year. Because for the previous 30 something years he had made too many mistakes. He said he would try his best to get things right this year and ensure I had my best ever Xmas.
There was something about Santa that wasn’t quite right, his voice didn’t seem to be that of a Santa, where were all the Ho, Ho, Ho’s and his beard and the hair on his head seemed to be fake. This wasn’t the real Santa Claus it was an imposter, he was a just a second rate cheap fraudster.
It was starting to get cold, where the heck was that twat Jonathon Ross. I then got to thinking that Santa was maybe Jonathon Ross in disguise. I was just telling my girl to get the camera ready and I would rip off the twats beard and wig and she would take the picture.
However just as the fake Santa turned his back and I was sneaking up on him, one of those tour busses stopped and people started waving up at it. I looked up and there was the one and only living legend Jonathon Ross, waving to the crowd, with a look of what the fuck I’m I doing this shit for, but fuck it I’m getting pile of dosh for it.
The Paddington Christmas lights on Praed Street were on and I was thinking my 6 feet Christmas tree with its wee set of lights at home is more exciting than the crap they have. To say they are a huge disappointment and a joke is an understatement, they are utterly crap and a complete waste of time. All the display is basically a few lights attached to lampposts.
Maybe next year things will improve and If I’m still living in London, I will make myself available for the job of switching on the lights for half of whatever they gave Jonathon Ross.
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Maybe the lights in Paddinghton were crap but I love the windows’ decoration over Christmas in Selfridges or Harrods as many other shops around London
The lights in Praed Street are not crap as some may think, they are of course entitled to their opinion, but very much in keeping with the environment of the area.
Please remember that a hospital borders onto this busy London thoroughfare and not being disrespectful it isn’t an Oxford or Regent street either, so ‘horses for courses’ as the old saying goes, and personally I think they look very good when you consider what crap you can see in other areas of London
You right Paul, everyone is entitled to their opinion and they are most certainly crap. No imagination what’s so ever went into them. They are a hell of lot better along Kilburn High Road and they never had a major celebrity like Jonathon Ross switching them on. However I do respect your viewpoint.
What I found truly funny was that whoever organises the lights in Paddington put so little effort into it, but went to all the trouble of getting someone of the status of Jonathon Ross to switch them on. What a joke, his Christmas tree lights in his house are tens times more fancy. I don’t know how much Jonathon Ross was paid, or whether he donated his fee to charity. But I can imagine he was chosen to help publicise the event, which failed miserable because there was hardly anybody there.
I personally feel that having a local child who has done something substantial over the past year would have been far more worthy of switching on a few light bulbs strapped to a few lampposts than Ross. But that would require far too much imagination from the local councillors. I’m pretty sure the crowds would have been bigger as well.