I Fu**ing Hate Toilet Attendants In Bars

I was out for a couple of beers at the weekend in a Bar close to the Tube Station in Hammersmith, not exactly the classiest area in London. I would also hasten to add that the bar wasn’t exactly full of the classiest people either, just your normal Friday night crowd of drunk girls and boys.

As you do when you have had a few pints of lager, (which I may hasten to add, wasn’t the best Fosters I have ever tasted), you need to go for a call of nature. Upon entering the toilets in this second rate bar, which was selling over priced drinks, I couldn’t’ believe that there was a toilet attendant standing there greeting me as I entered.

Now if there is something that I really hate, it is toilet attendants in bars and especially in rather small and narrow toilets like this one. For me going for a pee is something that doesn’t require someone standing there, watching you with there beady little eyes and believe me this wackjob was watching everyone too closely.

It really wasn’t my day, just as I tried to unzip my jeans, my fly got stuck for a couple of seconds and for a very horrible moment in time, it looked like the wackjob toilet attendant was going to come over and lend me a helping hand. I gave him a look that told him to forget it, come near me and you will end up wishing you never.

My old flat mate would have got stage fright by the mere presence of  toilet attendants and would have had me turning on the tap to help him deal with the problem!

I don’t know about you, but I don’t need someone to put some soap on my hands for me and to turn on the tap for me, I don’t know where his hands have been? And do you really think, I would want to put any of those knock off aftershaves on my skin, no chance that stuff gives you a rash.

The guy next to me was spraying on the Hugo Boss fake aftershave like it had went out of fashion, and he willingly put two quid in the plate, young loons in London haven’t got a clue. I swear when I saw this guy later his skin looked irritated and he was itching his face like he had fleas.

Bars like this one, if you ask me have a fu**ing nerve, they charge you a fortune to buy a drink and then they want you to pay for going for a pee, give me a break. Maybe if I was in the Ritz or somewhere like that, a toilet attendant doesn’t look too out of place, but in a crap bar in Hammersmith, your having a laugh.

Am I the only guy in the world that really hates the presence of toilet attendants in bars or clubs? The worst thing was that this particular toilet attendant looked like the spitting image of George Michael, HONEST! Well if your colour blind he might have!

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