Don’t Get Mad Get Even | A Laxative Lesson Is The Answer
My African Princess wasn’t too happy yesterday when she went to work and found out somebody had eaten her porridge. Okay it maybe wasn’t porridge but food, which she had left for the next day. I don’t understand people that are so sneaky that they steal other peoples food. What a low life and peasant.
Sometimes in life you need to teach sneaky food thieves a lesson, that’s my personal viewpoint. I know some people may think that my answer to such a problem may be taking things a wee bit too far. One word springs to mind and that is “laxatives” they will soon make the food thief see the error of their ways.
I once had a similar problem many years ago, I would leave food in the fridge at work to be eaten the following day. And occasionally my food would disappear and to make matters worse the fucker wouldn’t even clean the container.
I knew who the culprit was, the eyes always give it away. And the fact that one of my fellow work colleagues covertly filmed him on her mobile eaten my food. That is more than enough evidence to convict them in my court.
I didn’t want to make it too obvious that I knew who it was, but one day I gave a wee talk to the boys and girls, telling them I wasn’t too happy that somebody was stealing my food. That I would gladly get my partner to make an extra portion for them, all they had to do was ask. Aint I a nice guy.
Later on that same week, the same thing happens again, Mr Sneaky guy from Brighton, you know who you are, couldn’t resist the large portion of Stovies I had left in the fridge. I cant really blame him, because my partner at the time, one was amazing cook.
The food thief was really starting to get on my nerves, my mind was going into overtime as to how I was going to teach him a lesson. After wee bit of online research I found a very informative don’t get mad get even web site and I had my solution. As you have probably guessed already, it was laxatives. I would like to add that was in the days before I found religion, well that is maybe taking things a bit too far, I however was in St Margaret’s church the other week.
As the saying goes dance with the devil and you pay the price, the price in this case was going to be a large portion of curried pumpkin soup laced with a couple of crushed laxatives. At least it would taste good but the after effects were going to be rather unpleasant.
Just as I expected Mr Sneaky guy from Brighton couldn’t resist temptation and greedily eat up all my soup. Funny enough he couldn’t make it too work the next day, because of well I think you can guess why. Did I feel any remorse, well I did and that was that I wished I used one more laxative. If he was to do something similar in China, STEAL he would more than likely have ended up with the death penalty. That is a scary thought.
When he eventually came back to work, I looked him straight in the eye and told him if he ever eat my food again I would rip his head off and stick in up his own ass. I love a story with a happy ending. Don’t get mad, get even.
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