Crooked Nosed Devil Boy
I was walking down the road this morning minding my own business just like I do, without a care in the world. Life was good…I felt like I was walking on water. Then Crooked Nosed Devil Boy, appeared out of nowhere with his side kick, his woman. And then my happy mood was taken from me, as quickly at it had arrived.
Crooked Nosed Devil Boy walks right up to me trying to act cool and hard at the same time, he says to me “don’t be afraid, I come in peace”. I laughed, he was about 20 years old, quite tall and weighed about 7 stones and he was junked up on something, I wasn’t exactly shaking in my shoes. He asks for a pound, I answered no.
Off I went trying to get back the walking on water feeling that Crooked Nosed Devil boy had just stolen from me. I could here footsteps fast approaching from behind me. It was Devil boy and his disciple again. I let them catch up with me, and he asked me for a pound for the phone, “I said your having a fucking laugh mate…no, no and no again.” I said with a hint of aggression in my sweet little voice and they left me alone.
I thought the cheeky fucking scumbag, his girlfriend is holding a Blackberry in one hand and what looked liked a Nokia N95 in the other and he asks for quid for the phone. I should have kicked his ass…for using such a stupid line for tapping money.
About an hour later I was heading along to the newsagent to put some money on my electricity account, when lo and fucking behold…did I not come across Crooked Nosed Devil Boy and his faithful hound again. They went into the same newsagent as me, well Devil Boy did, the girl waited outside. He shouts out to her, “what kind of Lucozade do you want?”. He then took 2 bottles of Lucozade from the fridge and walks out the door with them. I thought the cheeky scumbag and I’m thinking how come the shop keeper never done anything?
2 seconds later all I hear is a great thud, the shop keepers dad who had appeared from nowhere had grabbed Crooked Nosed Devil Boy and smashed him against the outside wall and took the bottles off him and told him to clear off. “That’s assault, I’m gonna call the cops.” Shouts Devil Boys girl and he pleads I wasn’t gonna steal them as he laughs like crazy.
I paid for my electricity and left them to it…just another joyous experience of life living in the crazy city of London.
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