Real London Tourist Advice
I just love reading London travel advice that is offered by American travel writers who quite probably don’t even have a passport and they sure as hell have never even visited the city. They quite probably live in their mothers cellars munching on fast food and drinking soft drinks all day long, living in a make believe fantasy online world. These virtual travel writers who’s best friend is Google, they do a bit of research and look at a few pictures of a destination and then proceed to write a story..!
Yesterday I came across an article written by a cellar dwelling American travel writer called Cynthia D who claims to be a pro blogger, a pro bull shitter if you ask me- What Not To Do In London: The Top Five Tourist Mistakes, and it is quite obvious to me that she has never been to London in her miserable life. She claim’s to have covered the 5 worst mistakes that tourists travelling to London make. She has got that wrong, the biggest mistake you can make is reading her article!
1. Cellar dwelling American travel writer Cynthia D advices that you can have a great time without having to lay down a single sterling. Where did she come up with that term? Single sterling…try a single pound! You can have a great time without laying down a single pound! But if you ask me, you will have a much better time and see a hell of lot more if you open up your wallet and spend a few bob!
Do not pay to go see a museum she advises…really? Do not waste your money visiting the Tower of London - she has obviously never been, because if she had she would be telling you to go and visit this amazing and historic place. And even worse the American idiot writes do not visit the Tower Bridge museum. Why would you want to travel all the way to London and not go inside one of the most beautiful, historic and famous bridges in the world. The Tower of London and Tower Bridge are must visit places. Quite frankly if you can’t afford to pay to visit some of London’s best tourist attractions, you should probably just stay at home and visit when you have saved up some real spending money.
While it is true that London is full of world class museums, which have free admission, such as the Tate Modern, British Museum and National Gallery, but they get a tad bit boring once you have visited 3 or 4 of them. They are not exactly the most exciting places in the world.
2. Cynthai D then advices tourists not go to Buckingham Palace expecting to see the Queen. Wow ground breaking news. Do any tourists even American ones, turn up at the gates of Buckingham Palace expecting to be invited in for a cup tea and some afternoon cakes with the Queen. Your having a fucking laugh Cynthia.
3. Don’t shop on Oxford Street or Regents Street is the next piece of ground breaking travel advice that the confused Cynthia D offers. Is she crazy, if your a tourist it is a right of passage to come and join the vast crowds of people on Oxford Street and Regents Street. As much as I hate shopping there, the choice of stores to choose from is un-fucking-believable.
4. Pavement Etiquette…WTF, according to Cynthia D there is pavement etiquette on the streets of London…of course there is…I would love to know what kind of mind altering drugs she is on. The pedestrian flow on the pavement is on the right according to her. She is having a fucking laugh. Pavement etiquette doesn’t exist, it has never existed, only in your crazy mind Cynthia D.
5. Don’t confuse Tower Bridge with London Bridge…wow Cynthia D you managed come up with something that finally makes sense. I find it is so much fun watching and listening to American and Japanese tourists looking so excited as they sing ‘London Bridge is falling down’ as they look at Tower Bridge. It is almost as much fun as reading the drivel that confused Amercian travel writers come up with!
For those of you travelling to London, get some real advice regarding the coolest city in the world from the coolest blog in the city – London Is Cool.
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