All American Rednecks Are Banned From London Is Cool Forthwith
London Is Cool has taken the unprecedented move of banning all American Rednecks, Hillbillies, Hicks or whatever the heck you call them. It seems that a few of the good old boys from the backwoods of Louisiana feel that I have made a few unpatriotic comments regarding Americans.
I have only ever offered helpful advice for American tourists in London, which has been done in a humorous manner. Thankfully most Americans have a sense of humour and can see the funny side. I even have some American friends, well on second thoughts maybe not. However I once knew a Texan and he was kind of alright, he had a bit of sense of humour, on second thoughts, maybe he never!
I was amazed the other day when I received a email from some crazed Redneck from the Swamps of Louisiana. I was stunned that they even knew how to switch on a computer, let alone use one. In fact I was surprised that they could write and read English, well let me rephrase that, they sort of could write English to the level of 4 year old British child.
It seems if I ever find myself lost in the swamps of Louisiana I’m going to have some real problems. It seems that some moonshine swilling, uncultured, ignorant hillbilly, will in between beating his wife and having sex with his sister, is going to do to me, what he does with his pet piggy every night. I have stayed at least 1000 mile away from swamps ever since I watched the movie “Deliverance” all those years ago, man was that a scary movie.
I’m trying to figure out what some dumb Rednecks are doing reading a blog about life in London anyway. I guess they have heard how cool a place London is and want in on some of the action. Sorry boys but you need a passport to leave the USA and you would have to stay in quarantine for 6 months when you arrive in London.
Just in case a dumb flea ridden American Redneck manages to fill out the form to get a passport, miracles sometimes do happen. I have emailed Mayor Boris Johnson and PM Gordon Brown to see if they can do something for the benefit of the British people for a change and that is ban all American Rednecks from the UK. On the grounds that they are a health hazard.
It truly sickens me to my core knowing that semi illiterate, uncultured, totally uncool, inbred morons have been reading London Is Cool. Hopefully that will be the last I hear from those jokers from somewhere deep in the swamps of Louisiana. You are BANNED, or I should say since it is impossible to stop you reading my blog, I have banned all your comments.
I recently read this true story concerning American Rednecks –
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labelled, “chickens.”
“Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”
“Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ‘em.”
The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… five?”
Rednecks stick to do doing what you do best, which is? Well it involves your sister and you know what I’m talking about!
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5 Responses to “All American Rednecks Are Banned From London Is Cool Forthwith”
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London City Arpt, UNITED KINGDOM
I’m not sure of what you would think of a radio advert for a major waterpark down Wisconsin Dells way a few years back featuring a stereotypically stuffed-shirt, Hooray Henry type mocking “you colonials” for enduring the extreme summer heat of the American Midwest without spending some time @ the waterpark in question, accent and all.
I wouldn’t know if there are audio files of the ad available online for your listening pleasure….
I’m a proud American living in London and it is indeed a cool place to be at.
Rednecks are a disgrace to America and you have summed them up perfectly.
Your a redneck if, You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Wow this person has really p***ed you off!! This is actually written really well and its very witty. I like that you speak your mind
Why are such people reading the blog if they don’t like it anyways?!
I hate all the drama being made on the internet. It seems like there is always some smart-ass around that can’t take humor and feels insulted by a little your-momma-joke.
Like,damn, how do they always find you?!
People shouldn’t always take blog-things so serious
and remember, blogs are there to state one’s opinion at last…
Nice entry! ^-^b