A Lunatic Tries To Get Squashed By The Tube Door In London

I was out and about being a tourist again in central London today and oh boy London is jammed packed with tourists from all over the world. Every which way I turned I was nearly getting trampled to death by packs of excited foreigners.

Is there any School kids left in Spain because it seems like half of the country’s kids were at Trafalgar Square this afternoon. I will tell you something for nothing the Spanish kids don’t know about putting there rubbish in a bin and the adults aint much better!

After wandering around for a few hours, I felt like I had enough sun on my shaved to the bone head and all those maniacal tourists were starting to twist my mellow. I was going to head down to a quiet spot on the River Thames, when I walked past a real hottie on Regents Street who was wearing a see through top with no bra on and she was a big girl if you know what I mean. I thought what I had just seen couldn’t be real and that I must have been hallucinating, the sun must have got to me, so I changed plans and decided to head home for some rest.

Oxford Circus was teaming with tourists, but miraculously I managed to get a seat on the tube. As per usual the carriageway was like a fucking sauna, but hotter. As I was sitting there my mind kept on drifting to Sainsbury’s lollies. I think my tongue may have even been hanging out.

As usual by the time the train reached Warwick Avenue it was fairly empty and unbelievable there hadn’t been any delays or hold ups. Then suddenly as the doors of the train were closing a huge woman came running up to the carriageway. I think the ground was rumbling from her ample body shaking all over the place.

There must have only been about 8 inches of the train door left open when the big woman tried to launch herself inside the carriageway. She got her arm in and then if she had any sense she would have just pulled it out. But not this lunatic she is forcing the doors open, like a mad woman. She had the face of a demented demon as she kept on trying to push her body into the train.

She looked at me for help or sympathy I don’t know what? But she was lucky and the doors opened. She said to me as she sat down, ‘you could have helped.’ I wanted to say, ‘get lost you stupid American’, but instead because I’m a nice guy, I said, ‘would it have not just been easier to wait the measly 3 minutes for the next train’. I’m still waiting for her answer.

What is it with some people and this desperate desire to risk life and limb to get on a train when the doors are closing. Are people truly in such a desperate hurry that they can wait a few minutes for the next one. Give me a fucking break!

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